Patience had always prayed for a husband that won’t abuse her. For a really long time, even while we were in school, she would talk about the husband she didn’t want. She eventually got married before we graduated and we felt she was happy and enjoying life with the man of her dreams.
It was 5 years later that I saw her again. She looked beautiful and was driving a lovely Honda Civic car. I naturally assumed she was doing well. I was shocked to hear all she had gone through for the years she had been married.
Her husband didn’t dare lay his hands on her but he made sure she felt like crap each time he opened his mouth to address her. He called her names and stripped her of any dignity she had left. She felt worthless and useless. Nothing she ever did was good enough.
They both went for several counseling sessions and met with their Pastor a number of times but he didn’t stop. She had no clue what triggered his anger. She kept wondering why he was so aggressive towards her but she didn’t discover until the marriage clocked 3 years.
He felt she was still in love with her secondary school sweetheart and never saw himself as good enough for her, even when he provided her with all the magic life had to offer. Now that she knew what the challenge was, all she did was try to eliminate traces of her long-lost sweetheart to avoid any more witch-hunts from her husband.
You May Want To See: WHY DO I FEEL TRAPPED IN MY MARRIAGE?
Emotional abuse in marriage is a hidden phenomenon and therefore usually difficult to identify inside the relationship. An outsider might not even notice it and the majority of the time the victim is unaware of its occurrence. In some instances the victim might figure it out but he or she is convinced that this fault is on their side and not on the abuser’s and so they just let it go. Some even tolerate the abuse with a hope that the abuser might change.
Many married people really do stick through things because they made a commitment and they worked hard to get to that point. That’s very admirable – but the marriage will only work if you AND YOUR SPOUSE actually put effort into it on the same level. Every single abuser shows some emotional abuse signs. If the victim can read them he or she could be saved from further abuse. Emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse if not even worse.
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