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HEALING FROM PAST SEXUAL ABUSE HURT

Healing From Past Sexual Abuse Hurt

Her second lecture for the day extended beyond the time scheduled for it. She couldn’t rush out because the lecturer was highlighting areas in his text book where his test would be set from. She couldn’t afford a drop in her grade point average for the semester. It was also a 3 units’ course. 

As soon as he mentioned the last topic, she dashed out of the lecture hall and made her way to the next lecture hall. She was sweating profusely when she got to the hall and was slightly out of breath because she ran. Immediately she got into the hall she sat on the last seat behind the hall and rest her head on the desk to catch her breathe.

After a few minutes she caught her breathe and raised up her head. It wasn’t the lecturer that started the course with them that semester that was lecturing. It was the man that had sexually abused her when she was 10 years old. It happened just one time but the memories became so fresh in her mind as she stared at him. 

She didn’t mention or report the incident because he had threatened her. He told her all the people she loved were going to start dying one after the other if she dared report to anyone; anyone at all. 

She couldn’t stop the tears from flowing as she stood there, helplessly staring at her abuser, with no clue how to react. The entire class turned as they watched the tears roll down her cheeks. Just then, her best friend made her way through the crowd and took her outside.

Kate tried to console her but she also kept probing to know what had caused her such pain. She couldn’t even start narrating the story because she couldn’t explain what was going on in that instant. 

Funmi went about life like everything had normalize until that day when she bumped into the man, who she calls “Monster Molester”. She honestly thought the matter had been forgotten because he moved from the area shortly after the act. She thought the saying, “Out of sight is out of mind” applied to her. 

You May Want To See: RAPED AND ABUSED, NEED TO GET OVER IT

She suddenly realized that healing will take more than not seeing or thinking about the event. One needs to do more than that to feel close to normal again. The scar was too deep for her to fully let go but she was willing to try because living in the past is not an option for her.

Healing from past sexual abuse hurt is not automatic. God is not a magician. He takes time to work in us and through us so we can be good enough for the purpose He created us. Unlike being awarded a double promotion in school, God will not allow us to skip any class if He needs to do a thorough work in us such as removing any excess luggage that may hinder or slow us down from pursuing His will. And you cannot run faster than God by trying to hasten up what He’s doing in your life. So be patient enough to walk and work with Him to become a better you.

If you would like someone to pray and counsel you please mail [email protected]

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EMOTIONAL ABUSE IN MARRIAGE

EMOTIONAL ABUSE IN MARRIAGE

Patience had always prayed for a husband that won’t abuse her. For a really long time, even while we were in school, she would talk about the husband she didn’t want. She eventually got married before we graduated and we felt she was happy and enjoying life with the man of her dreams. 

It was 5 years later that I saw her again. She looked beautiful and was driving a lovely Honda Civic car. I naturally assumed she was doing well. I was shocked to hear all she had gone through for the years she had been married. 

Her husband didn’t dare lay his hands on her but he made sure she felt like crap each time he opened his mouth to address her. He called her names and stripped her of any dignity she had left. She felt worthless and useless. Nothing she ever did was good enough. 

They both went for several counseling sessions and met with their Pastor a number of times but he didn’t stop. She had no clue what triggered his anger. She kept wondering why he was so aggressive towards her but she didn’t discover until the marriage clocked 3 years. 

He felt she was still in love with her secondary school sweetheart and never saw himself as good enough for her, even when he provided her with all the magic life had to offer. Now that she knew what the challenge was, all she did was try to eliminate traces of her long-lost sweetheart to avoid any more witch-hunts from her husband.

You May Want To See: WHY DO I FEEL TRAPPED IN MY MARRIAGE?

Emotional abuse in marriage is a hidden phenomenon and therefore usually difficult to identify inside the relationship. An outsider might not even notice it and the majority of the time the victim is unaware of its occurrence. In some instances the victim might figure it out but he or she is convinced that this fault is on their side and not on the abuser’s and so they just let it go. Some even tolerate the abuse with a hope that the abuser might change. 

Many married people really do stick through things because they made a commitment and they worked hard to get to that point. That’s very admirable – but the marriage will only work if you AND YOUR SPOUSE actually put effort into it on the same level. Every single abuser shows some emotional abuse signs. If the victim can read them he or she could be saved from further abuse. Emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse if not even worse.

If you would like someone to pray and counsel you please mail [email protected]

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LOVE DOES NOT HURT

LOVE DOES NOT HURT

Love means several things to various people, to some it is a part of their life that died a long time ago and doesn’t exist anymore, to another, it’s a mode of manipulation to achieve the desired result, to another, love could also be to, what two persons can share, sacrifice, patience, some folks will say love is pain, love is truly in the midst of many lies.

Many times several people define love based on their experience around the entity, with quite a number of people being victims of severely painful circumstances, love has become the pain and a burden that would not heal. It is not false to say that many people have been manipulated, injured, abused and so, all for the sake of love. But we say that these are the actual traits of love or even say, the entity love does not exist? Over the years, have met several people and have seen them define love due to circumstance and experience and I must say those experiences are awful ones. Then a thought came, with all these that people have to say about love, is it that hurtful to be in love with someone, could love come with so much pain?

That life has wronged you some curves and loving someone cost you more than you could bear or afford doesn’t mean that what you have in you is the actual definition of love, that your experience was not pleasant doesn’t make love stories fables or myths, many at times I see a lot of people (elders) guide others not to fall in love that it makes one foolish and hence, taken for granted.

“Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides and when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that is inconceivable that you should ever part. This is because love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don’t blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being “in love”, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, this is both an art and a fortunate accident” Louis de Bernieres

LOVE DOES NOT HURT
Photo credit: www.google.com

So love can’t be defined by an imagination crafted or a feeling, this is because all this will come and go, but love is a decision, a decision to stay a life and be of service to someone forever, to an extent It could be said that love is blood-related it is a decision to stay relevant to the heart of someone for as long as the person lives, often many things we call love don’t really love they are just feelings that hangs around an entanglement and what the person they claim to love has to offer, so at the disappearance of these things the so-called swiftly fade away. A perfect definition of love is God if we seek to fix in a model for love then God is the perfect one, His love is unrepentant, patient, reckless, sacrificial, and selfless. in the Bible we will see in the book of 1cor 13, how apostle Paul defined God kind of love through the whole chapter of that scripture, scriptures also in 1John 4:7-8-8 “Beloved, let us love one another for love is God and every one that loveth is born of God and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God, for God is love (KJV).” Understanding the personality of God we will understand that if we claim to love God as we say then we must love also learn to love even to our romantic love.

Love is a decision to replicate how much God has consciously dealt with you on the basis of love towards another person, it is not based on what you intend to receive for offering love but it is about what you have to give, our model of love (God) is always ready to give than even receiving what you have to offer because often time the value for love cannot be quantified and neither giving nor receiving can quantify love.

You Can Check Out: WHAT’S YOUR SECRET?

If God indeed is who adequately defines what love is to us, we must then also come to understand that the grievous experiences or circumstances aren’t what defines love us. The reason why we experience such situation in relationships that seemed as though it was loved based is that often times the love often comes as feelings and one could easily stop having feelings, it is important to note that love has eternal integrity which means it’s a decision to stay by someone for the rest of your existence on earth, so to some folks it seems like foolishness and it might also be true as “for God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise and God has chosen the weak things of this world to put to shame the mighty(NKJV)” 1Cor 1:27, another thing is that what we call love is based on something that is seen or available to receive and what happens if these features are no longer there, our description for love often should not be describable because truly if we look into some people they don’t deserve to be loved, but we still need to love because it is God’s command. We don’t really fall out of love what happens is that we fall out of forgiveness and the inability to forgive is a reason we keep so much pain in us, hence influences our definition of love and difficulty to love again.

In cases of romantic relationships, it is important that love is even, it has to be, so as not to have the love abused, but aside from that case, we should be able to love everyone equally regardless of what you get back.

Loving shouldn’t be hurtful, it should be something you enjoy doing as God has loved us first and has not backed out on us yet and will never.

Do you have an issue on love related issues and you need someone to talk to, we are open for discussions contact us today.

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YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH JUST THE WAY YOU ARE

EMIKR OYEMADE – WISE WALK

The Danger Of Being Too People Conscious

When it became clear that I should give more attention to my calling counseling, I came up with several reasons why it would be difficult or impossible for me to fulfill that assignment. I thought about how people especially friends and family would accept and respond to metalk about abuses especially sexual abuse, reaching out to women in abusive relationships, praying for and with people who have made wrong relationship choices, encouraging teen moms and sharing the love of Jesus generally. I thought about my own personal past struggles and if people would believe me. I also feared that people would judge me wrongly.

I Wanted To Run My Life My Way

Although I knew that the scripture clearly states that His grace is sufficient for me to do whatever He commissions me to do, I just could not take the first step. It was just too big to even accept. I considered if the assignment would hinder my pursuit of MY OWNdream career. I even considered if some friends will not see me as being too over-spiritual. I struggled with if I was good enough or not and it took me years to fully walk in that path.

Obedience is priceless!

The peace of obedience cannot be imagined; it is better experienced. There’s this freedom that overwhelms you when you finally yield to something God is asking you to do.And truly, we do not need to have any special skill for God to use us. The problem is, we judge ourselves too critically and often think that God might be mistaken for choosing us. Ihave learnt that God doesn’t need anyone to approve of you before He would use you. You are good enough for Him just the way you are.

Sounded Like A Joke To Him

This was how Gideon felt (not good enough) when God visited him and told him He was going to deliver the children of Israel from the Midianites through him. Unbelievable! According to Gideon’s judgement of himself, there was just everything not right about him yet God would choose him? It must be a joke! It was because of his skepticism about being the chosen one that made him put God to test.

And the Lord looked upon him, and said, Go in this thy might, and thou shalt save Israel from the hand of the Midianites: have not I sent thee?And he said unto him, Oh my Lord, wherewith shall I save Israel? behold, my family is poor in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father’s house. Judges 6: 14-15

Circumstances Do Not Define Us

In the passage above, God had earlier addressed Gideon with a title that directly was in contrast to his current situation, “Thou mighty man of valor.” I like to guess that Gideon would have chuckled in disbelief and go “are you referring to me?”“Yes, you mighty man,” the Spirit would have replied. The truth is, if we want to know who we really are then we have to look through the eyes of God, His word. Our circumstances and experiences do not define us.

You Are Chosen

Having heard the headline of his assignment, you would notice that he didn’t say he would not go but he started to list all the reasons why that may not be possible (poverty and being the least in a family that is not even recognized). But you see, God doesn’t see our mistakes and our past when He chooses us for an assignment. Once we ask Him for forgiveness, He wipes our slate clean and gives us another opportunity. Even when we think our weakness may become a hindrance to saying “Yes Lord,” remember Moses had speech impediment. Hand your weaknesses over to Him in prayers.

God Has A Good Plan For You

Whatever you may be going through or people miss-judging you because of your seemingly ‘ugly’situation (your dirty, unthinkable past), God’s plan for your live CANNOT be altered. And it is a good plan. Eventually in spite of his complaints and putting God to test, He yielded to the assignment. That is all that matters; becoming all God destined you to be in spite of whatever circumstance. God has good plans for you. “I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” Jer. 29:11

You may not seem qualified by the world’s standard, people might even write you off by certain disadvantaged perceived about you, don’t let that discourage you. Don’t give up on yourself because God won’t! Are you born again? If so then you have the Limitless Life of God in you. God is able to bring His purpose to pass in your life. You are good enough!

Don’t just read, pass it on to a friend and recommend it.

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WHY DO I FIND IT SO HARD TO FORGIVE MY HUSBAND?

WHY-DO-I-FIND-IT-SO-HARD-TO-FORGIVE-MY-HUSBAND

“My husband started an affair almost immediately after our wedding and I just found out; that is like 4 years later. He even has a child with same woman. I was really heart broken and wanted to end the marriage but I stayed instead to work out things. Although we have both seen counselors and therapist but it’s just so hard forgive him even though I told him I have forgiven him.”

The bad news is forgiving your husband is a daily choice you have to make. The good news is these tips on how to forgive your husband after an affair will help you start the road toward healing.

“Forgiveness doesn’t mean agreeing with, condoning, or even liking what has happened,” says IyanlaVanzant, author of Forgiveness: 21 Days to Forgive Everyone for Everything. “Forgiveness means letting go and knowing that – regardless of how challenging, frightening, or difficult an experience may seem – everything is just as it needs to be in order for you to grow and learn. When you focus on how things “should” be, you deny the presence and power of love.”

The first few days (or weeks…maybe months) are the most difficult, but with time you will move forward and be happy after your husband’s affair. These tips on how to forgive your husband’s affair are inspired by a comment from a reader. She said: “My husband cheated on me with his coworker, who has since left the company. How do I forgive my husband after the affair? I can’t look at him, much less let him touch me. How do I trust him after he cheated on me? I want to forgive and move on but it’s so hard.” – from Lost That Loving Feeling? When to Give Up on Your Marriage.

 

It’s important to remember that forgiving your husband after he had an affair doesn’t mean you have to stay married to him. This article is geared towards forgiveness and saving your marriage, but it’s just as important to forgive your husband even if you decide to leave him.

Forgiveness is for you, not him.

Prepare for the daily process of forgiveness

There aren’t any easy answers about forgiveness after a physical or emotional affair. It takes time, effort, and energy to build a healthy strong marriage that includes forgiveness and trust. You need to be honest about your needs, and know from the bottom of your heart that you can trust him not to cheat on you again. If you need something that he can’t give you, then you have to decide how to meet your needs.

Sometimes, learning how to forgive your husband after an affair is more about you than him.

Decide if you can live with your husband the way he is right now

You need to decide if you’re willing to live with your husband the way he is…because most people don’t change unless they have a compelling reason. You can’t convince your husband to change, and you may not even be able to force yourself to forgive him after the affair.

Maybe accepting your husband for who he is means you look past his affairs (but I don’t recommend that!). You can try to support your husband through the worst parts of marriage — and it’s especially effective when both of you are equally committed to saving your marriage.

If both you and your husband aren’t willing to work towards forgiving after an affair, then you need to accept your marriage for what it is, and not expect more. And, you might need to learn how to overcome obsession with your husband’s affair.

People perceive affairs differently

Men perceive physical affairs to be worse, and women feel emotional infidelity is more upsetting, according to a study in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. This seems to hold true in “real life”, too.

One of my friends’ husbands had a physical and emotional affair with her best friend, and she said it was so difficult to forgive and trust him again — but they held it together. She said saving her marriage would have been easier if it was “only” a physical affair. But he was in love with her best friend.

That marriage was saved, and both husband and wife say it’s because God taught them how to forgive after the painful betrayal of an affair.

Believe that “happily ever after” DOES exist

Have faith in happily ever after.

 

It take effort, energy, time, and commitment to learn  how to forgive your husband after an affair. It’s hard enough building a happy marriage when nobody cheated, but forgiving and trusting after he cheated on you is difficult.

That said, however, it is possible to build a better marriage. And your marriage may be stronger, happier, and healthier because he cheated. Many relationships are stronger because of infidelity – and the couples DO live happily ever after.

Remember that love isn’t just about saying “I love you”

In fact, that’s the easiest, laziest part of love! Anyone can say “I love you.” Real, committed, healthy, romantic love is about how you treat each other, whether you respect one another’s wishes, if you can talk about your problems, if you’re emotionally and spiritually connected, and if you have the same goals for the future.

Forgiving your husband after an affair does not happen overnight

Learning to trust again after a betrayal such as an physical or emotional affair doesn’t happen once, nor does it happen quickly.

Rebuilding trust and forgiving your husband is a process that involves ups and downs – even if you’re the most forgiving person in the world. You will eventually learn to trust him after he cheated on you — but you have to work on it. And he’ll have to earn your trust.

“Accept the events of the past, while being willing to change your perspective on them,” says IyanlaVanzant. “Only forgiveness can liberate minds and hearts once held captive by anger, bitterness, resentment, and fear. Forgiveness is a true path to freedom that can renew faith, build trust, and nourish the soul.”

If want to save your marriage, consider getting counseling

Untangling emotional issues is very difficult, and a professional counselor can help you see how to forgive your husband after an affair. Marriage counseling doesn’t have to last for years or even months; sometimes it just takes a session or two to see what the issues are and how to resolve them.

Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken: Finding Forgiveness and Restoration is one of the most popular books on  forgiving and trusting your husband after an affair. It’s a long process that doesn’t happen overnight – it can take years to forgive him after he cheated.

Here’s what a marriage counselor says about cheating: “It’s best to come clean as early as possible,” says Gary Neuman, author of The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It by M. Gary Neuman. “Be honest with your partner when you’re just beginning to become interested in someone else.”

If your husband is hiding his affair from you – or trying to make you feel crazy for thinking he cheated – then forgiveness will be MUCH more difficult. But if he’s honest about why and when he cheated, you might find it a bit easier to forgive him after an affair.

I welcome your thoughts on how to forgive your husband after an affair below. I can’t offer advice or counseling, but sometimes it helps to share what you’re going through. Writing can be one of the most healing ways to find peace and forgiveness.

 

Most part of the question answered by The Adventurous Writer

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16 SIGNS THAT YOU MAY STILL BE HURTING FROM SEXUAL ABUSE

16-Signs-That-You-May-Still-Be-Hurting-From-Sexual-Abuse

There are certain issues an adult might exhibit if he/she has was abused as a child and yet to open the door for healing

  1. Uses drugs and alcohol to suppress the hurts and memory. It’s only temporal and the effect of drugs, alcohol mix with psychological trauma is more damaging.
  2. Low self-esteem; the belief that everyone else is better or the acceptance that they do not deserve anything good.
  3. There is tendency to be in an abusive relationship. An abused person is often in search of love because they believe that if they feel loved it would take care of the past experience. Most of the time they end of in the wrong relationship not even knowing what to look out for in an ideal partner.
  4. Hatred for the opposite sex
  5. Lack of trust for anyone especially for the opposite sex
  6. Self-hatred; a victim never sees anything good in themselves nor think they deserve anything good. They just exist with no intention to becoming anything good in life.
  7. Suicidal signal. Some prefer to die than live with the thought that the person who hurt them is still alive and perhaps happier than them.
  8. Multiple-abused-victim. Females especially, who were abused as children if she did not get help when it happened, it is likely to happen again even in adulthood.
  9. Victims are often sad and not interested in making any meaningful head way out of life.
  10. Distorted orientation about sex and love. Which may bring about sexual and intimacy issues in marriage
  11. Overweight dues to excessive eating to cover up for the hurts
  12. Being angry unnecessarily. Usually this is transfer of anger; anger that is meant for the abuser is transferred to any slightest offense.
  13. Guilt and blame. A victim not only feels guilty for what happened but looks for ways to ‘rope’ other people into it and believes if they had played their part better things would have been different.
  14. Mood-swings. A victim maybe happy and excited one minute and sad the next; maybe friendly today and hostile the next; has very unbalanced emotions.
  15. Inability to give or receive the best in a romantic relationship. This also result into being unable to teach their children how to avoid or handle sexual abuse
  16. Victim-to-Abuser. There’s likelihood for someone who was abused to do same, take sexual advantage of younger people too.
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Why hurt when you can get help

Why-hurt-when-you-can-get-help

I had this pretty-petti classmate in secondary school. She was intelligent and very quiet. We spent most of our break time together reading. She didn’t like to talk and she was obviously a sad girl. She cried at almost everything. When we were about leaving school I wanted to remain her friend but she declined neither was she interested in being anyone’s friend. I never was able to erase her memory, intelligent and pretty yet unhappy.

Five years later, I was hanging out with a friend at a mall when I saw someone that looked like her. At first I wanted to go after her but I restrained. I remembered how she had turned down my friendship and how she said she didn’t want anything to do with me. I looked away from the figure and continued my chit-chat. It may not be her.

She took a table not too far from us. Placed her order and busied herself with her phone. I looked closely. It was her! Prettier than before. I moved over to her table with excitement pulled her up and hugged her. She didn’t seem as excited as I was. There was still that same sadness in her eyes. This time I had the guts to question her and extended a hand of friendship to help her with whatever it was if I could. We took a private corner.

She told me how she was raped and abused by her uncle she was living with then; sometimes he even slept with her before coming to school.

Anger welled up in me, “why didn’t you say then? Where is he now?”

“He’s dead. He was sick and died. I was afraid then. I am still afraid now.” She started to cry. I tried to console her but the moment I held her hands tears came rolling down my cheeks too. I felt the pain, hurts of the years. Worse of all the betrayal. Betrayed by the one who is supposed to love, care and protect her.

I am glad that today that is no longer her story. She is healed and championing the fight against rape and sexual abuse.

Were you raped and still hurting? Is anyone having sex with you against your wish? Are you in any kind of abusive relationship and afraid that something bad may happen to you if you speak? Do you know anyone who is in a relationship and suffering? My friend’s life was spared but there are many who have died from abusive relationships either killed by their partner or killed themselves because they could no longer live with the pain and hurt.

There is a better you lurking within, suppressed by the hurts, let it out.

I will be available to pray with you and give you practical counseling if you desire.

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My struggle and freedom from sexual issues

My-struggle-and-freedom-from-sexual-issues

As counselor, I am often more excited about testimonies like these than someone buying a car or getting a new job.There’s a celebration in heaven when a sinner repents and even more than that, the same person becomes an instrument through which God reaches others. Awesome!

I Was Curious

I had my first sexual encounter when I was 12. I would not say that I was raped because I was fully aware of what was going to happen except that the person was my mom’s boyfriend. He had been touching me, kind of ‘preparing’ me and then finally came one day and said he wanted to have sex with me. I was curious and excited. My mom was not home and I knew he came at that time knowing that I would be alone. It was painful but not as bad as I expected since it was an experience I had been looking forward to. After that once, he had sex with me often until he broke up with mom.

My Father Didn’t Want To Marry My Mother

I had a very dysfunctional upbringing, my mum had me for a man who was married and was not ready to make my mom his second wife. Mom didn’t stop being his girlfriend. I remember he visited very often when I was young and even spent some weekends with us. Then he stopped coming and mom stopped talking about him. She said there was another woman. Mom was heartbroken, very disappointed. After a while she started dating other men and they came to the house. I saw them doing what they did. They were friendly to me too and sometimes some would smack my butt or get more intimatewith me with their finger while waiting for mom. Till date I don’t know why I was never able to tell her.

I Had An Unusual Crave For Sex

After my first sex encounter and the experience I had with that mom’s boyfriend I ‘enter’ into an active sex life. I would not say if I really had a boyfriend, the boys were just around me because of sex. I had multiple sex partners and most of them were just boys who knew I was available. Truth is, now that I am a different person I cannot understand why I had such an unusualcrave for sex. Except I was on my menses (monthly cycle) I could have sex at any time. Interestingly, my mom didn’t know this about me. I was a good girl on the outside. I went to church regularly three times a week and was very active in a department in church.

I Was On Several Sex-Chat Forums

When I’m not having sex or hanging out with all kinds of boys, I would be on the internet sex-chatting with males that I have never met. I visited several chat forums just to get involved in dirty chats. Let me mention here that, I would masturbate while on chat forums. There were guys I exchanged nude pictures with, they would send me sex videos and it seemed like the fun would never end.

I Thought I Couldn’t Live Without It

I didn’t masturbate with my fingers I had sex toys and it still amazed me how my mom never found that out too. Anyway she had her own issues. I craved sex stories, movies and anything that would keep the images of sex in my head; it was as though I would not live without it. I was not bothered if I would contract STDs and I used several contraceptives so pregnancy was not possible. There was this guy later asked me to marry him. I refused, I knew that one man will not be enough to satisfy my appetite for sex.

I know this may sound crazy, but I also cheated with mom’s boyfriend. Most of them actually, and they seemed to prefer me but like I said I was not ready to be in a committed relationship.

It Was Supposed To Be A Sex-Talk Show

One evening, I tuned onto a particular radio station where I know they talked about sex. I only listen to it often so I didn’t know they had changed their presenter and their style of presentation. The presenter talked about sex quite alright but she was talking about how God can help you handle sexual addiction issues. That was the first time it ever occurred to me that I had a problem. I wanted to turn it off at the mention of God but she had a compelling voice, I had to listen. It was just only for a few minutes and I felt like she was talking to me.

I Needed A Change And Quick Too

You can only imagine the guilt that overwhelmed me when the presenter signed off. I felt dirty and worthless. I cried that night like I never did, I knew I needed help but did not know how to go about it. Grateful! I remembered the presenter’s name, found her on Facebook and sent her a message that I needed to talk to someone. Amazingly, she gave me attention and every day for months we talked, prayed, I cried, regretted, repented, felt God’s love, she showed me love, she never asked me why I was doing what I did neither did she fault even mom!. When I even expressed anger at mom, she cautioned me!

It’s a WHOLE NEW ME!

I’m 30 now and in a committed relationship, hoping to get married soon. I have straightened my relationship with mom although she is yet to come to know the Lord but I have no doubt that it will happen soon. My life is all brand new and different. That crave is no longer there because I have learnt how to counter it with the word of God. The guilt and shame I use to feel when I see any of those men I slept with is no longer there. That old me PAST away. My fiancé knows about my past and he has really been helpful with teaching me the word of God and very supportive of my intention to help other people from sexual addictions.

God Can Reach You Too

In all of these I have learnt that God can reach anyone, He can love anyone no matter how ugly your past may be. All you need to is come to Him and leave the rest for him to bother about. I hope my testimony would bring a change to someone.

*Testimony sent in by someone we have been privilege to counsel and be a blessing to.

If you would like someone to counsel and pray with you send a mail to [email protected]

Shalom!

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15 signs you are not over your ex

15-signs-you-are-not-over-your-ex

Disappointment happens and sometimes no matter how hard we try to avoid it, we just can’t. We however have the choice to remain disappointed, learn a lesson from the experience and move on with life. It’s not this easy when it’s a failed relationship especially if you thought it was going to lead to something more serious like getting married. So now it did not end as expected!

That’s life; sometimes things do not go the way we want them to especially if other people are involved. You can’t control or force them; only their full corporation can make it a happy relationship. Some people find it easy moving on after a failed relationship, others don’t but the truth is, the earlier you are able to accept the reality that the relationship has no hope of working the better it is for you to move on. Here are some signs that you may still not be over your ex and not ready for a new relationship.

 

  1. Crying often. It’s ok to cry because you are hurt but don’t do it like your life cannot be better except with that person. This is almost more like ‘mourning’, a part of you is gone and you cannot seem to control the shock and emptiness the break up has brought on you. Get used to it. Crying doesn’t do any good. Instead it could make you sick, depress. Dry those tears and get on with life.
  2. You are still hoping he/she will have a change of heart and come back for you. Even with the knowledge that he/she is seeing someone else you are still ‘believing’ your relationship will be reconciled.
  3. You are stalking. You keep checking his/her Facebook status to see if they are involved with someone else and what latest information they might update about their new relationship status. You even ask questions from friends that knew you both together; you are not even sure why you are doing so.
  4. You are monitoring. Every new updated photo, you read the comments and take notes of the details especially if it’s a group pix and how he was holding or leaning on another female. When you see a face you don’t know you begin to assume it must be the new partner.
  5. You are struggling with letting go even though you know it’s a ‘dead end’ but you can’t stand the loneliness. As a result you are hoping that a ‘miracle’ would happen for you to return together again.You even attempted sending “I miss you” text but decided against it.
  6. It is impossible to delete his/her text messages especially the ones with ‘sweet nothings’ and those reaffirming your love for each other. You keep reading hoping to get new ones for a reunion.
  7. You are practicing ‘escapism’; avoiding everything and anything that would make you come in direct contact with your ex. You prefer to leave the job than work in same office with him because you may lose concentration if he/she comes close or you can’t stand him/her dating someone else to your knowledge.
  8. Faking disconnection. You deleted him from your social media networks and cut off some people who are friends with you both but now you are wishing you didn’t take that decision and hoping she will be the first to add you back on Facebook.
  9. It’s almost a year and you are not involved in anyone because both of you had sex for the first time and you believe that the relationship is your one and only true love.It’s your first love and no one else can love you more.
  10. There’s a potential partner lurking around you but you are comparing the qualities of your ex with the potential partner especially when you think they were great and would have loved to spend the rest of your life with him/her. You may not be interested if the potential partner does not match the qualities of your ex.
  11. You suddenly become an introvert; keeping more to yourself. Being alone and watching movies become a newly discovered hobby. You don’t want to go out and have fun because you don’t want to do anything or go to places that will remind you of him/her.
  12. You have a secret treasured item belonging to your ex. You have done away with every other thing except that item and it brings fond memories that make you wish you are still together. Wake up to reality! You are not together anymore! Do away with every reminder of hurt and get on to the next stage.
  13. Friendship by extension. You have become nicer to his/her friends, your intension is just to maintain platonic friendship while you are getting over the hurt.
  14. You become terribly upset when he/she gets into a new relationship and you are hoping the new relationship will not work too.

15.It’s affecting your relationship with God as most of the time you would have used praising God you are crying to Him and asking Him to reconcile the relationship.

  1. You haven’t been going to church because you are in same church and what he/she did is not expected of a Christian. Did you breakup with your partner or with God?

LET IT GO! If it’s past, treat it as past. You can’t have a grip of the future still holding onto the past.

 

Sometimes God delivers us from the wrong relationship so He can give us what we really deserve. Don’t keep holding on tightly to what God is doing away with. You may miss the REAL thing.

Shalom!

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