Faith

A month after they met, they let themselves go; they started meeting in their houses. One thing led to another and they had a lot of sex in the second month. They found it enjoyable when it started but soon afterward, they realized that was the only thing between them. Sex was the foundation of the relationship. 

Though marriage was the goal when they met, they hardly had that discussion ever again when they started having sex. It was an act they had both agreed not to do until after exchanging marital vows but they were never able to keep to that commitment. 

Every time Tinuola brought up the topic of marriage, Anthony just waved it aside and asked for sex. Though Tinuola considered the sex amazing and breathtaking, she didn’t feel comfortable anymore because the purpose of their meeting was not in sight anymore. Besides, as a Christian young woman, she knew that God frowns at fornication.  

Anthony met Tinuola on Facebook. He sent her a friend’s request and she accepted. They chatted a lot when they discovered that they both had a lot in common. Their days were so exciting, they were always using the messenger application to keep in touch; video and voice calls were a must daily. Anyone would conclude that they were meant for each other.

When Anthony suggested they had a physical meeting she obliged. It was such a fun date because they had both fascinated about what it would be like to go on a shooting adventure in a game house. It was such a beautiful outdoor experience for them; it was exactly all they had hoped it would be. That was when he asked her to marry him and she quickly accepted. 

Their next three dates were also outdoors and they had such exciting times. In the one month they were catching up over the phone, they didn’t truly discuss the true essence of coming together. They discussed how their days went and what caught their fancies but nothing significant; channeling them to settling together.

You May Want To See: WHY DO I FIND IT SO HARD TO FORGIVE MY HUSBAND?

Dates after dates, Anthony never spoke anymore about getting married instead he asked for more and more sex. Struggling between remaining chaste and her faithfulness to God Tinuola ended the relationship. Though heartbroken she felt it was best for both of them. 

Sex is a beautiful gift reserved for marriage and as enjoyable as it can be it can never on its own sustain a relationship. Great sex doesn’t automatically translate to a great marriage and for someone who is not interested in your heart, sex will not make him stay. Anyone who wants your body more than making a commitment would likely cheat with someone else if the opportunity presents itself.

One needs to be alive to have enemies. 

Just like you can’t be dead and still have friends.

Therefore, it is imperative to be glad 

Irrespective of how precarious and hard

Where you may be at the moment.

Stop worrying; no need to vent. 

All things will fall in place. 

Remove focus from that empty space. 

There is certainly no mistakes

About who goes ahead and takes

Glory at a particular time. 

Do not feel like it’s a crime

When others are ahead. 

Relax and bless God instead. 

All things work together for good

For all who love God. 

Abide in Him and let Him abide in you.

Trust, especially when it feels He fails you.

Nothing He does is engineered to please man. 

That’s because He’s no respecter of man. 

Men need to learn to accept His will

And enjoy their freewill.

Enjoy each moment whether good or bad. 

Never allow yourself stay sad.

Staying sad is an unhealthy choice anyway.

You should decide against that every day.

Philip has always been a fine preacher. He is articulate, his words are pungent and his baritone voice is next to none. His wife complains about his love for the pulpit; she claims he doesn’t see her when he gets on it. She even fears that he loves it more than he loves her.

He is such a magnificent creature to behold; the ladies flock around him whenever he gets off the stage or when the service is over.  The peak point of his ministration is answering their questions and leading them to Christ, he says. 

All Tola, his wife wanted was a husband who would notice and compliment her from time to time but her husband was engrossed with shepherding the flocks in the church, not the one at home. The ministry cannot be allowed to suffer, he says. 

Not long after, they were transferred to a new parish, Tola met a young man who always ushered her with compliments. He would also commend the work her husband was doing and the sacrifice they were making. They got really close and she would confide in him over the smallest of issues in her home. 

You May Want To See: HOW CAN I STOP BLAMING MYSELF?

Phillip was crushed when he found them in his matrimonial bed when he suddenly returned home to pick up his favorite Bible for the ministration he had. He didn’t take the matter public because they both begged and asked for forgiveness and kept begging; they said it would never repeat itself again. 

He thought of his image, reputation, and what such a scandal will do to his home and the church and concluded he would let it go but the courage to forgive is hard to find. It was easier to preach it than do it.

“Where are these insects coming from? Let us deal with the insects by buying an insecticide”.  Kunle said to Amaka when they discovered the insects were taking over their home gradually. 

Their kitchen had already been invaded and it was only a matter of time for their entire home to be crawling with all kinds of forsaken insects and even rodents. 

Amaka questioned the impact of an insecticide. She felt it was okay as a temporary solution but felt it will eventually cost them more if they chose to tackle the challenge that way. She was stretched to a breaking point cleaning up after Kunle. 

Kunle is fond of littering their home leftover snacks and sometimes food on their couch. He never remembers to drop them in the bin. He always says, “I was too tired to go to the kitchen to drop the thrash”. “But you are never too tired to eat though”, Amaka would say. 

You May Want To See: I AM TIRED OF BEING THE BREADWINNER

Amaka knew that the challenge would disappear completely if only Kunle would change his habit of cleaning up after eating. But she didn’t know how else to pass the message across to him without getting him offended. Her only option was to invest in a silly solution that will solve nothing but dips a hole in their pockets. 

If we keep tackling our challenges from the surface, ignoring the root cause, the ‘virus’ within will only keep attacking until it completely devours; she knows no mercy and is very ambitious. Nothing else matters to her than the lifelessness of her victims.

Live in your future now! 

Ahamefula Mark.

Love means several things to various people, to some it is a part of their life that died a long time ago and doesn’t exist anymore, to another, it’s a mode of manipulation to achieve the desired result, to another, love could also be to, what two persons can share, sacrifice, patience, some folks will say love is pain, love is truly in the midst of many lies.

Many times several people define love based on their experience around the entity, with quite a number of people being victims of severely painful circumstances, love has become the pain and a burden that would not heal. It is not false to say that many people have been manipulated, injured, abused and so, all for the sake of love. But we say that these are the actual traits of love or even say, the entity love does not exist? Over the years, have met several people and have seen them define love due to circumstance and experience and I must say those experiences are awful ones. Then a thought came, with all these that people have to say about love, is it that hurtful to be in love with someone, could love come with so much pain?

That life has wronged you some curves and loving someone cost you more than you could bear or afford doesn’t mean that what you have in you is the actual definition of love, that your experience was not pleasant doesn’t make love stories fables or myths, many at times I see a lot of people (elders) guide others not to fall in love that it makes one foolish and hence, taken for granted.

“Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides and when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that is inconceivable that you should ever part. This is because love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don’t blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being “in love”, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, this is both an art and a fortunate accident” Louis de Bernieres

So love can’t be defined by an imagination crafted or a feeling, this is because all this will come and go, but love is a decision, a decision to stay a life and be of service to someone forever, to an extent It could be said that love is blood-related it is a decision to stay relevant to the heart of someone for as long as the person lives, often many things we call love don’t really love they are just feelings that hangs around an entanglement and what the person they claim to love has to offer, so at the disappearance of these things the so-called swiftly fade away. A perfect definition of love is God if we seek to fix in a model for love then God is the perfect one, His love is unrepentant, patient, reckless, sacrificial, and selfless. in the Bible we will see in the book of 1cor 13, how apostle Paul defined God kind of love through the whole chapter of that scripture, scriptures also in 1John 4:7-8-8 “Beloved, let us love one another for love is God and every one that loveth is born of God and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God, for God is love (KJV).” Understanding the personality of God we will understand that if we claim to love God as we say then we must love also learn to love even to our romantic love.

Love is a decision to replicate how much God has consciously dealt with you on the basis of love towards another person, it is not based on what you intend to receive for offering love but it is about what you have to give, our model of love (God) is always ready to give than even receiving what you have to offer because often time the value for love cannot be quantified and neither giving nor receiving can quantify love.

You Can Check Out: WHAT’S YOUR SECRET?

If God indeed is who adequately defines what love is to us, we must then also come to understand that the grievous experiences or circumstances aren’t what defines love us. The reason why we experience such situation in relationships that seemed as though it was loved based is that often times the love often comes as feelings and one could easily stop having feelings, it is important to note that love has eternal integrity which means it’s a decision to stay by someone for the rest of your existence on earth, so to some folks it seems like foolishness and it might also be true as “for God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise and God has chosen the weak things of this world to put to shame the mighty(NKJV)” 1Cor 1:27, another thing is that what we call love is based on something that is seen or available to receive and what happens if these features are no longer there, our description for love often should not be describable because truly if we look into some people they don’t deserve to be loved, but we still need to love because it is God’s command. We don’t really fall out of love what happens is that we fall out of forgiveness and the inability to forgive is a reason we keep so much pain in us, hence influences our definition of love and difficulty to love again.

In cases of romantic relationships, it is important that love is even, it has to be, so as not to have the love abused, but aside from that case, we should be able to love everyone equally regardless of what you get back.

Loving shouldn’t be hurtful, it should be something you enjoy doing as God has loved us first and has not backed out on us yet and will never.

Do you have an issue on love related issues and you need someone to talk to, we are open for discussions contact us today.

Few years ago, a young couple approached me for marital counseling. They had been married for only two years and never seemed to agree on anything and it appeared like they were never meant to be together. The disagreements were endless in such a way that they began thinking if they made a mistake getting married to each other in the first place.

During counseling, when I asked if they had anything to say the woman asked, “What’s YOUR secret for staying married?” Sincerely, I had never thought about it except that I know that I MADE THE DECISION TO REMAIN MARRIED. I DIDN’T GET MARRIED WITH THE PLAN THAT WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH I WILL WALK AWAY. So I told them I simply made a DECISION to stay married and enjoy my marriage. I encouraged them to develop THEIR OWN SECRETS of how their marriage will work. Truth is, the SECRET to a happy marriage is not REALLY known. How it works for one couple/family may not be so for another. 

Just create something that works for you and your spouse and make THAT YOUR OWN SECRET. The most important thing is that it’s working for you and you are enjoying being married. Your marriage is what you make of it; MARRIAGE IS LIVING A LIFE OF SACRIFICE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! IT’S NOT NECESSARILY A PLACE OF CONVENIENCE. YOU WILL ONLY ENJOY THE MARRIAGE AND HAVE PEACE IF YOU ARE MAKING THE REQUIRED SACRIFICE. 

Stop looking around for marriages that are doing better than yours or spouses who love one another more than your spouse loves you. Don’t compare your marriage to another. Remember REAL MARRIAGE IS WHAT TAKES PLACE BEHIND CLOSED DOORS WHEN NO ONE IS WATCHING… EVENTUALLY, YOU WILL DISCOVER IT’S ABOUT YOU AND YOUR PARTNER.

TAKE CHARGE!

There is nobody alive who has been spared hardship. However, some people seem to cope with bad situations better than others. Their overall happiness does not seem as compromised when unfavorable things happen. How do these people manage to stay happy even when they are facing difficult times?

Like you, I have experienced tough situations in my life. I have been hurt by others, hurt the feelings of others, had arguments with people I love, made bad decisions that brought undesirable consequences, lost money in a failing business, experienced the death of a loved one, been injured in an accident, the list goes on. Looking back at all the difficult situations I have experienced earlier in my life, I now realize that I could have handled each event better. I also know that my overall level of happiness did not have to suffer as much as it did. I would like to share with you what I have learned about being happy even when bad things occur.

Face and Embrace Your Unhappiness or Disappointment

When we embrace our unhappiness and disappointment, we rob the situation of some of its effect and start to see that we can and will overcome it if we give it time. It is okay to feel hurt or unhappy. It is a part of life. Gently lean into your pain rather than run from it. You are much stronger than you think.

Practice Gratitude 

Human nature is such that we tend to focus on the bad more than we focus on the good. This is because of something called ‘negativity bias’. We spend more time and effort remembering things that make us unhappy rather than things that bring us happiness. We can find things we are grateful for in almost any situation, no matter how bad it is. This is why it is important to practice gratitude regularly and especially when we are upset. 

Learn from the Situation

When bad things happen, they often present us with perfect opportunities to learn a valuable life lesson. For example, if you get laid off, you can upgrade your education or skills and learn to become a more valuable employee. Or you could learn that you want to start your own business to become more independent. There are lessons to learn in almost any unfavorable situation. We just need to pay attention.

Things May Not Be Rarely as Bad as You Think

Many of us tend to see a negative situation as being worse than it really is. We exaggerate the bad and downplay the good. My mother used to refer to this as ‘making mountains out of molehills’. Many of my unhappy experiences proved to be less detrimental and dramatic than I initially believed. Looking back now, I can see clearly that I was being too pessimistic and negative, thereby making myself more upset than necessary. 

Your Expectations Will Affect Your Happiness

This lesson was difficult for me and took years to learn. When we have unrealistic expectations, we set ourselves up for disappointment, unhappiness and frustration. I used to think that certain unpleasant situations should not have occurred in my life and that created a lot of unnecessary despair. I was being too idealistic in believing that bad things only happen to someone else and not to me. Looking back, I now know that this, of course, is ridiculous. Life will not always go smoothly.

Know What You Can Control and What You Cannot 

Closely related to the point above, it is important to remember that there are some things that we simply have no control over so there is no point trying. Of course, there are also many situations that we can influence, too. The trick is knowing where to spend our time and energy. 

Be Aware of Your Replay Button and What Your Mind Focuses On

As we already know, all of us will inevitably face difficult situations in our lives. While we cannot change the past, we can also not replay the events in our heads over and over again as many people do. This only causes unnecessary and additional suffering..

Be Present and Mindful

Think about this: almost all our unhappiness is caused by something that has occurred in the past. When people are unhappy, it is most likely because they are ruminating about a past event that they cannot change. The past is gone and what has been done cannot be undone. Yet so many people stay unhappy by focusing on the past. If you want to be happy, it is essential to focus on the present, on the here and now. 

Complaining Does Not Make Things Better

While it often helps to confide in a friend and talk things out, constant complaining does not help us. In fact, when we complain about someone or something, we are drawing our attention to the unpleasant situation and away from things that make us happy. If we focus our minds on what makes us unhappy, it only serves to reinforce the unhappiness. 

You Have a Choice on How To Respond

The older and more mature I get, the more I realize that we always have a choice in life on how to respond to a negative situation. No matter how bad or trivial it might be, our real power lies in our right to choose how to act. This has helped me out so much in life because it means that I can decide my reaction to almost anything. Of course, it is not the easiest thing to do sometimes, but, with practice, we can all become better at choosing our responses. 

Exercise Will improve How you feel

This might seem cliche, but exercise really does lift our moods. The serotonin and endorphins that are released when we exercise are ‘feel-good’ chemicals that boost our moods. This does not mean that all our problems will suddenly melt away. However, exercise will help us cope better with any situation and has even been shown in many studies to reduce or prevent depression 

Do What You Love

I have discovered that if I engage in activities and hobbies that I love when I am feeling unhappy, it always lifts my spirits. When we do what we love, it grabs our attention and focuses it away from whatever is making us unhappy. 

Remember That Nothing Lasts Forever and That This Will Pass

Finally, always take heed in the fact that our difficult times and unhappiness will not last. Nothing lasts forever, including pain and disappointment. Give yourself the gift of time and be patient. Seek solace in the fact that time lessens all wounds. The world is always changing and so are our lives. Nothing is constant. 

Sometimes, some people make very unreasonable sacrifice just to gain the attention of someone the desire to be in a relationship; awkward and ‘surprising’ sacrifices to save a relationship or impress someone they desire to be in love with that they may not even care the consequences. Any relationship that will require you live in pretense, compromise your standards or your walk with God is not good for you. Eventually you will discover that it’s not worth it if the relationship causes you to be who you are not.

There was this time I broke up with someone I REALLY liked and O had EXPECTED the relationship to lead to marriage. I was new in the university when we met; he was a fine, intelligent guy and RICH! I was excited he treated me very special. People knew about us, he talked about me to whoever cared to listen. It was just the kind of relationship I always wanted. 

Few months later he began to complain that I spent too much time at Fellowships and at church activities than I spent with him. Campus evangelism was my passion. Then he complained that he couldn’t wait till marriage to have sex. Not that he even proposed to me yet but we both knew we wanted something more than just friendship. He kept complaining about my church activities. To solve this, I suggested that he starts attending my fellowship and join me for evangelism…and the no-sex area is something I couldn’t negotiate. Then he came up to say I could choose between the relationship with him and my fellowship people (THIS GUY CLAIMED TO BE VERY BORN AGAIN!).

It was easy to choose even though I hurt for letting him go. I was already in love with him but I realized that NOBODY IS WORTH UNDERMINING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD FOR. I couldn’t even imagine stopping campus outreach because I want to spend time with him at his hostel. There was no guarantee that we would not start having sex once we start spending MORE time in his room ALONE!
After crying and hurting. I quit! I wanted to love and be loved but I didn’t want headaches or negotiate my relationship with God. 

If the relationship makes you compromise your stance with God, then it’s the wrong one. No matter how much it hurts LET GO OF ANYONE TRYING TO COMPETE WITH THE PLACE OF GOD IN YOUR LIFE.

When life is going well for you, it’s easy to feel hopeful. But when this fallen world brings trouble into your life, feelings of hopelessness can come in, too. Thankfully, the hope that God offers is much more than a feeling: It’s the reality of His presence with you.  You can experience that hope in any situation – even if your health fails, you lose your job, your spouse leaves, or some other tragedy hits you.  Here’s how to find hope in any situation:

1. Stop Simply Surviving And Start Thriving.  Don’t let difficult circumstances stop you from making the most of each day. Realize that even when times are tough, you can do much more than just endure your current situation. You can actually enjoy life to the fullest – even in the middle of the worst circumstances. Ask God to help you notice His presence with you in every situation, and rejoice when you sense Him nearby.  Pray for the Holy Spirit to renew your mind each day so you can have the positive attitudes you need to thrive no matter what is going on in your life.

2. Choose To Trust.  When something bad happens in your life, don’t respond by arguing with God or rebelling against Him.  Instead, trust God to keep His promise to use all circumstances – including the bad ones – to accomplish good purposes in your life.  Remember that God is perfect, so He can’t make any mistakes, and whatever He chooses to do is for a good purpose.  If He has allowed something difficult to happen to you, there’s a reason.

3. Learn And Grow From Your Struggles.  God allows you to experience challenging circumstances so you can learn to love and trust Him in deeper ways, and so you can grow more mature, developing a strong character to become more like Jesus.  Keep in mind that God is more interested in your lasting holiness than your temporary happiness, because holiness will help you learn to choose what’s best for you. Ask God to help you see your struggles from His perspective.  Let your struggles teach you whatever God wants you to learn from them.  As you deal with the difficulties in your life, stay focused on what matters most – eternal values – so you can grow into a stronger person in the process.

4. Resist Temptations To Sin.  Don’t turn to sinful behaviors to try to escape the pain of the tough circumstances you experience; doing so will only make your pain worse.  Instead, pray for the strength you need to resist temptation, and pour out your feelings to God.  God will respond by giving you comfort that you can’t find from any other source. 

5. Attract others to faith as they watch you.  Other people are watching you as you deal with difficult situations. If you respond by being faithful to Jesus, they will be drawn to Him themselves because you will show them what real faith in action looks like, and that’s attractive. So rather than complaining about your struggles or compromising your values as you try to deal with them, invite Jesus to shine His light through your life, and reflect His character qualities so other people can see how a relationship with Him can help them when they face their own struggles.

6. Want what God wants for you.  Don’t make the mistake of thinking that God doesn’t care about you if He doesn’t give you whatever you ask Him for.  Realize that God loves you so much that He gives you what you need, even when it’s not what you want.  Keep in mind that, because of your limited perspective on life compared to God’s unlimited perspective, sometimes you ask God for something that seems good but can actually harm you. Trust in the fact that God knows what you need to have the life that brings you the greatest good.  Ask God to bring your desires in line with His will for you.

7. Overcome fear. No matter what kind of situation you may find yourself facing, don’t be afraid, because God will always be with you and have your best interests in mind since He loves you.  Whenever feelings of fear creep into your life, turn to God for the help you need to overcome them and successfully navigate your circumstances.  Whenever you sense God calling you to do something that requires taking a risk, move forward without fear because God will empower you to do whatever He calls you to do.

8. Keep heaven in mind.  Remember all that awaits you in heaven at the end of your life here on Earth. Let the anticipation of the wonderful experiences you’ll have in heaven motivate you to meet your current challenges with hope, which will lead to the strength you’ll need to get through any situation. As you think about heaven, focus your mind on what truly matters and let distractions go so you can live life to the fullest right now.
9. Don’t give up.  Whenever your sense of hope starts running out, ask God to renew you with a fresh dose of hope so you can continue to faithfully deal with the difficult situations that come your way.  Be confident that at the right time, God will reward you for your faithfulness if you don’t give up your faith in the middle of challenging circumstances. Count on God to give you more hope whenever you ask Him for it.