My struggle and freedom from sexual issues

As counselor, I am often more excited about testimonies like these than someone buying a car or getting a new job.There’s a celebration in heaven when a sinner repents and even more than that, the same person becomes an instrument through which God reaches others. Awesome!

I Was Curious

I had my first sexual encounter when I was 12. I would not say that I was raped because I was fully aware of what was going to happen except that the person was my mom’s boyfriend. He had been touching me, kind of ‘preparing’ me and then finally came one day and said he wanted to have sex with me. I was curious and excited. My mom was not home and I knew he came at that time knowing that I would be alone. It was painful but not as bad as I expected since it was an experience I had been looking forward to. After that once, he had sex with me often until he broke up with mom.

My Father Didn’t Want To Marry My Mother

I had a very dysfunctional upbringing, my mum had me for a man who was married and was not ready to make my mom his second wife. Mom didn’t stop being his girlfriend. I remember he visited very often when I was young and even spent some weekends with us. Then he stopped coming and mom stopped talking about him. She said there was another woman. Mom was heartbroken, very disappointed. After a while she started dating other men and they came to the house. I saw them doing what they did. They were friendly to me too and sometimes some would smack my butt or get more intimatewith me with their finger while waiting for mom. Till date I don’t know why I was never able to tell her.

I Had An Unusual Crave For Sex

After my first sex encounter and the experience I had with that mom’s boyfriend I ‘enter’ into an active sex life. I would not say if I really had a boyfriend, the boys were just around me because of sex. I had multiple sex partners and most of them were just boys who knew I was available. Truth is, now that I am a different person I cannot understand why I had such an unusualcrave for sex. Except I was on my menses (monthly cycle) I could have sex at any time. Interestingly, my mom didn’t know this about me. I was a good girl on the outside. I went to church regularly three times a week and was very active in a department in church.

I Was On Several Sex-Chat Forums

When I’m not having sex or hanging out with all kinds of boys, I would be on the internet sex-chatting with males that I have never met. I visited several chat forums just to get involved in dirty chats. Let me mention here that, I would masturbate while on chat forums. There were guys I exchanged nude pictures with, they would send me sex videos and it seemed like the fun would never end.

I Thought I Couldn’t Live Without It

I didn’t masturbate with my fingers I had sex toys and it still amazed me how my mom never found that out too. Anyway she had her own issues. I craved sex stories, movies and anything that would keep the images of sex in my head; it was as though I would not live without it. I was not bothered if I would contract STDs and I used several contraceptives so pregnancy was not possible. There was this guy later asked me to marry him. I refused, I knew that one man will not be enough to satisfy my appetite for sex.

I know this may sound crazy, but I also cheated with mom’s boyfriend. Most of them actually, and they seemed to prefer me but like I said I was not ready to be in a committed relationship.

It Was Supposed To Be A Sex-Talk Show

One evening, I tuned onto a particular radio station where I know they talked about sex. I only listen to it often so I didn’t know they had changed their presenter and their style of presentation. The presenter talked about sex quite alright but she was talking about how God can help you handle sexual addiction issues. That was the first time it ever occurred to me that I had a problem. I wanted to turn it off at the mention of God but she had a compelling voice, I had to listen. It was just only for a few minutes and I felt like she was talking to me.

I Needed A Change And Quick Too

You can only imagine the guilt that overwhelmed me when the presenter signed off. I felt dirty and worthless. I cried that night like I never did, I knew I needed help but did not know how to go about it. Grateful! I remembered the presenter’s name, found her on Facebook and sent her a message that I needed to talk to someone. Amazingly, she gave me attention and every day for months we talked, prayed, I cried, regretted, repented, felt God’s love, she showed me love, she never asked me why I was doing what I did neither did she fault even mom!. When I even expressed anger at mom, she cautioned me!


I’m 30 now and in a committed relationship, hoping to get married soon. I have straightened my relationship with mom although she is yet to come to know the Lord but I have no doubt that it will happen soon. My life is all brand new and different. That crave is no longer there because I have learnt how to counter it with the word of God. The guilt and shame I use to feel when I see any of those men I slept with is no longer there. That old me PAST away. My fiancé knows about my past and he has really been helpful with teaching me the word of God and very supportive of my intention to help other people from sexual addictions.

God Can Reach You Too

In all of these I have learnt that God can reach anyone, He can love anyone no matter how ugly your past may be. All you need to is come to Him and leave the rest for him to bother about. I hope my testimony would bring a change to someone.

*Testimony sent in by someone we have been privilege to counsel and be a blessing to.

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Tags : freedomissuessexualStruggle

The author wisewalk

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