I am afraid I might have made a wrong choice of a husband. Once my husband is back from the office he spends hours on phone either talking to his mum or his sister that we hardly have time to talk in the evenings. Any little misunderstanding, he calls his sister or mum for intervention. Whenever they visit, he spends time with them talking in our bedroom and he doesn’t see anything wrong with this. What do I do?
The bible says in Gen 2:24 that, a man leaves his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. This is the standard; that when couples get married they leave ‘behind’family and friends to cleave to one another. Their loyalty is expected to be shifted to that partner and the new family in view. Unfortunately some people get married and never leave behind those they are supposed to leave behind; except for change of location, they are even more loyal to their parents and siblings than they are to their spouse. This is not right and should not be encouraged.
Being married with divided commitment between parents/sibling and spouse can sometimes hurts the relationship. The hurting spouse will feel cheated and would feel that privacy is invaded. By all means, couples should keep family members out of their matrimonial privacy.
Instead of regretting that you may have made the wrong choice for a husband focus on what can be done to establish the kind of marital relationship that you desire. Entertaining regrets would make you think that there is no remedy for the situation when you haven’t even tried. The first place to start is to ask yourself if this mum and siblings have always ‘invaded’ your home. Was there ever a time his family members didn’t interfere? At what point did you observe changes?
You must bear in mind that he didn’t start being attached to his mother and sister when he got married to you, meaning that you probably ignored this attitude when you were courting. Even if you claim not to have noticed, you will not be wrong because courtship is usually full of fantasy and unless you are vigilant you will miss out the details of someone character. This is to say that making him focus attention on you is not going to be easy; even his mum and sister would put up fight and may even label you as evil.
Find time to talk to him about your concerns and how you think this attitude is not helping the relationship. If you do not make efforts to discourage it he will think that you are fine them intruding into your home. You also have to discourage him from using your bedroom to have meetings with anyone no matter how close they may be. Your bedroom should be private to the both of you. Let him know that inviting his mum and siblings when you have issues is not the best especially since neither of them is a counselor. You need to set some tough boundaries with him in agreement to deal with these issues. It may hurt a little at the beginning but eventually you will have control of your home and marriage.
When you have done all you can, remember that God can do much more. He sees how unhappy you are in your home. Talk to him about it. With the help of the Holy Spirit, your husband can begin to take charge of the marriage and the home as you desire.