The pressure on teenagers to have sex is huge. Not only do they have to contend with the direct pressure to “do it” from their boyfriend/girlfriend, there’s the peer pressure from friends who want to know “if they have done it.” Teenagers may also feel the internal pressure to keep pace with their friends, as if competing in a marathon to lose their virginity. One way of helping resist these pressures is to anticipate them and discuss them.
As a teenageryou are more likely to have sex if you:
- Entered puberty early, breast developing, hair in private region e.t.c
- Socialize with other teenagers who approve of and encourage sexual activity
- Place little or no value on education
- Have a poor relationship with your parents, particularly your father
- Rarely attend religious activities as a result of no relationship with God.
Tricks someone might use to Pressure teens to have sex
If someone wants to be intimate/sexual with you and wants you to do things that you are not comfortable doing, they may try to pressure you into it. There are many ways that a person could try and pressure you to have sex; some of them include the following:
- Telling you that if you really loved them, then you would do it.
- Telling you that they will ‘break up’ with you if you won’t do what they want.
- Blaming you for getting them aroused.
- Still doing what you have said you don’t want to do, by gradually easing into it.
- Trying to get you drunk or under the influence of drugs so that you do not have the ability to say no.
- Telling you that it is what other boyfriend and girlfriend are doing and that there’s no big deal about it.
- Threatening to spread rumours that you are not “good in bed” or that you are frigid, or that you did it with them anyway. Blackmail.
- Offering a relationship to you if you will have sex with them.
- Saying “you have had sex with me before, what is the problem now?” if you made a mistake once, you don’t have to continue/
- By undressing themselvesin front of you and undressing you by force.
- Making you touch them when you don’t want to.
- Saying that other forms of sexual activity are not ‘real sex’ anyway so they don’t matter.
All of these are ways to try and manipulate you and they are not correct or healthy ways to relate.
What Should You Do?
It is important to know how to handle these situations so that you do not get pressured into having sex. You will need to be firm…here are some tips for what you could say.
What to say when he/she says…
“You would sex with me if you really loved me.”
- “If you really loved me you wouldn’t try to make me do anything that I don’t want to”
- “I guess we have different ideas about love”.
- “Good point, I guess I don’t really love you”.
“I will break up with you if you don’t do it with me.”
- “You can’t make me do something by using threats”.
- “I guess we just broke up”.
- “I’ve just realized that Ido want to break up with you now”
- “You don’t make me feel special and I am”.
“You’ve just got me aroused and now you won’t do it – I need to have sex.”
- “You can’t force me by making me feel bad. I still don’t want to do it”.
- “You can’t blame me for being arouse. It doesn’t hurt, you will get over it. I will feel worse if I do something that I don’t want to”.
- “It is not true that men have stronger sexual urges than women. That is just an excuse”.
“Other boyfriend and girlfriend do it. It is normal. Aren’t you normal?”
- “There is no such thing as normal, and I am not other people”.
- “How do you know other boyfriend and girlfriend are doing it…do you believe everything you hear?”
- “No I am not normal, and neither are you”.
- “Happy close friends don’t pressure each other into sex”.
“I’ll tell other people that you are no good in bed and that you are frigid.”
- “It was a good try attempting to pressure me into it, but it just won’t work”.
- “That is very immature. Anyone can spread rumours. Anyone can spread stories”.
- “It’s unfair and uncaring and illegal to try to threaten me.”
“We can have a relationship if you have sex with me.”
- “No thanks, I am not that desperate for a relationship”.
- “That is not usually the way I like to be asked out. I think of myself as more than just a sexual being”.
- “You cannot force me to have sex with you by offering me things”.
- “No thank you, I am leaving now”.
“I will wear a condom if that will put your mind at rest.”
- “You don’t need to wear a condom. We are not having sex”.
- “Wearing a condom won’t put my mind at rest, sex is more than having fun with our genitals”.
- “I don’t want to be friends with you anymore if you keep asking me to have sex with you”.
Some people may also try to get you drunk or under the influence of drugs so that you do not have as much control over what you are doing and saying. Be aware of what you are drinking. Try to have a trustworthy friend nearby looking out for you. Never leave your drink unattended, and pour your own from a can/bottle. Don’t let anyone mix your drinks for you.
You have sexual rights, which means you have the right to be in control of your body and to reject sexual exploitation. This means that you decide what happens with your body, not someone else! You have the right to change your mind at anytime!
Above all, your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and God does not like it when you have sex before you get married. Honour and serve God with your body by practicing abstinence until you get married.