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CHOOSING BEYOND THE MAKE UP

CHOOSING-BEYOND-THE-MAKE-UP

Some people are so addicted to wearing makeup that they can’t imagine being without it. While I am not against wearing makeup, it is good to just appreciate yourself the way you are, without the makeup on. Make up can conceal your contour but it can’t change who you really are. Most brides with the transformation of makeup on their wedding day look different from their original appearance. The artist does a great job covering spots and contours to achieve a flawless face to the admiration of guests. It is okay and advisable for a bride to look her best on her wedding day but beyond the makeup who really are you getting married to? Do you know this person’s character enough to be able to put up with them or you are deciding by all the external features.

To love someone and be loved is a very beautiful thing, to find that one person to spend the rest of your life with is a greatfeeling and so people would do anything just to make someone love them. Even box them to become the kind of mate they desire in marriage. It is amazing what people go through in bid to give or get love. Some guys focus on keeping an attractive physique and money by any means just to woo whatever woman they desire. Some ladies focus on all sorts of makeover that makes them almost unrecognizable, some are just crazy over boobs and butt enhancement and booty pads just to make their natural endowment bigger that it actually is. Little wonder marriages don’t last any more, people focused so much on the fake, the temporal and that which does not last. When considering marriage, be truthful to yourself and look out for someone who will be as truthful and not just keeping up to impress you.

While keeping an attractive look is good, you can’t base your choice of a marital partner on just looks. Looks change with time! Any man who wants a woman because of her boobs and booty is not seeking a long term relationship because those features are interpreted as sex to a man. Booty and boobs makes him wants sex and sex alone is not enough to sustain a marriage. Yes it is possible for a man to have sex with a woman without a heart connection. An ideal marital partner should be attracted to your heart first before your sexual organs.

You can’t choose your man because of his biceps and how loaded his pocket or bank account is. He could grow potbelly and I tell you the truth it is harder to maintain such physique. Would you stop loving him when he begins to grow bigger than when you met? There would be broke days, days that he may not have money to meet all your demands and everything money can buy. There will be days when your needs will surmount what he has to offer. What will you do at such times? Leave him?

When Isaac was going to get married in Gen 24, it was stated that the girl had to be carefully chosen and selected, unfortunately not many young people apply such care when deciding for a life partner. Verse 16, “And the girl was very beautiful and attractive, chaste and modest and unmarried. And she went down to the well, filled her water jar and came up.”

A careful selection has nothing to do with how you feel when that person comes close to you because you might have sexual feelings for someone and it is not a sign that the relationship is right. A careful selection will have to listen to the voice of the spirit; it goes beyond what you think and people’s opinion of who you should marry. Do you know that when you base your choice on careful selection means that you will have to go through moments of contemplations and those are the times when the Holy Spirit impress in your heart which way to go.

The proposed wife in the passage above was first beautiful and this beauty goes beyond what the physical eyes can see. It has to do with a relationship with God, character, integrity, amiable personality, and these are qualities that cannot come on anyone by applying the finest makeup. These are the qualities a young person should first be looking out for before considering other things that can fade away with time. While your makeup can conceal the contours in your face and make you look attractive it can never conceal a bad character. While you are emphasis on the outward appearance so you would get your desired mate, remember that you can easily attract anyone with your looks but your character will keep that person.

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How can I know the right woman?

How-can-I-know-the-right-woman

“I am in a relationship with three great ladies who all seem to suit my specifications for serious commitment but I am confusedwho to choose. How can I really know the right woman for me?”

The more the number of people you are dating or sleeping with the more confused and miserable you are likely going to be. Increased number of potential partners is not an indication that you are going to make the best choice. You are infact more likely to make a life-time mistake as you will find yourself comparing the qualities in one person to the other and wishing that all the qualities were present in one person. Impossible! Dating more than one person at time with the intention to make a ‘final’ choice along the line is not really a good way to settle for a life time commitment. When you eventually make a choice out of the long list, the others that are not ‘chosen’ will feel cheated and jilted. People are not made with plastic hearts for you to make promises to them then dash it, or give them the belief that you are interested in them when they are only an option. People should not be ‘relationship-commodity’ for you to get a ‘trial period’ so if it doesn’t work you discard or return to the owner. There are no perfect relationships because there are no perfect humans so you find that someone your heart cares for, you have a responsibility to make it work.

You cannot know who will make a good partner by the way he/she looks, talk or walk but you can be close to it if you focus on being a good person and having a standard of the kind of person you would like to be associated with.When desiring certain qualities for am intending partner you need to ask yourself if you have desirable qualities too. You cannot be low and desiring a high especially when you are not making efforts to be high. You cannot desire a god-fearing woman when you do not know God let alone have a relationship with Him to be considered as god-fearing. If you desire a hardworking woman, are you also hard-working? Or are you looking for a woman who you will take advantage of. Even if you pretend to be what you are not just to secure the lady into a relationship with you. With time, the real you will manifest and you will begin to have problems in your relationship. If you are looking for something good in a woman make sure you also have something good to offer. How are you upgrading and improving yourself especially as regards how you will provide security for a woman? A good woman is not going to be considering how attractive your biceps are but how much security you can provide for her in the relationship.

Have you discovered your vision and purpose in life? Are you pursuing and achieving it? If you have not, this is more important because if you do not have any life-course you will be leading a woman blindly. No woman wants to hang in a relationship with a leader who does not know where he’s going. Where do you see you and your ‘dream’ partner or family in five years? How are you working towards that plan?You don’t find her first before making a life plan. You may miss it all because once a relationship becomes emotional; it gets difficult to make serious decisions. Adam already had a chartedlife course before Eve came became. Follow his example.

Are you ready for this investment? A good relationship is a product of quality investment of time, money and energy. It takes sacrifices and most times considering your woman first before you. Communication is bedrock of any relationship and it is built with time, if you do not make time for it you can’t bond.Emotional Intimacy is built with communication; it is not built with great SEX. And a relationship without some money no matter how small is not a happy one meaning you should be EARNING before even thinking of settling into a serious relationship.

Are you happy being yourself or are you hoping that when you get into a relationship you will be a happier person? If you have not found fulfilment just being you, you are not going to feel any better with someone else no matter how great they are because inner satisfaction is something no one can give to you. It is not a product of some sexual dexterity; but a well that lies deep within you from which only you can draw. Sadly too, you will not be able to make your partner happy even if she is an angel sent from God if you are not first happy with yourself. Appreciate yourself first before others will do!

Motive is the reason why some people may miss knowing the right partner for them. For instance, “why are you in that relationship?” if your response includes any of the following then you may be in it for all the wrong reasons:

  1. I want sex
  2. I am lonely
  • I am hurting I need someone around
  1. I need money and someone to pay my bills
  2. All my friends are getting married/in a relationship
  3. I am not getting any younger
  • I am physically attracted to him/her
  • You are a single parent and need a partner for your child (ren)
  1. Your parent/siblings/friends think you should get someone

 

A good partner is a gift from God and you can only get that gift from God if you are His child. “Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent (good and desirable) wife is from the LORD.” Proverbs 19:14

Shalom!

Reach me for counseling, prayer or just to vent email emike@wisewalk.org

 

  1. Are you friendly?
  2. Are you out-going?
  3. Do you have respect for women?
  4. Are you holding onto past experiences?
  5. Are you making unhealthy comparism?
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Can a man rape his wife?

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“Right now, I am almost regretting my four months old marriage. Twice my husband has ‘raped’ me and apologizes after wards. This makes me feel cheap and used. I do not want to quit the marriage because I love him but I need him to understand that when I don’t want sex he should stay away.”

Decision Not To Have Sex Must Be Mutual

I do not believe that a man can rape a woman within the bounds of marriage especially if the union is sealed spiritually and legally. Dictionary explains rape as, “Force (someone) to have sex against their will.” That WILL is no longer TOTALLY yours when you exchange vows and pledged your body to your partner. In marriage you CANNOT decide not to have sex just because you don’t want to without considering your spouse. If there’s not going to be copulation, it should be a mutual agreement between you and your spouse and it should for only a period of time. He has both spiritual and legal rights to your body.

“Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it.” I Cor 7:3-5

Your Spouse Sexual Style Maybe Different

When the marriage oath is taken certain statements are made which includes satisfying your partner sexually. The marriage oath is not just part of the church ceremony, it is binding and to be taken seriously. There’s the possibility that a man can be ‘rough’ in his sexual style compared to yours but that does not mean he raped you. The best way to handle issues such as this is communication. The more reason you should focus now on building a healthy communication with your partner so that you can make him know what your needs and expectations are sexually.

Make Up When You Are Too Tired For Sex

If you feel tired when he is asking for sex, instead of getting offended at his request, make an explanation and a promise. Then keep to your promise; be the first to go to him when you are up to it. Don’t make it seem like he’s begging for it. This is also why some men believe that women are frigid. I don’t agree to this because I believe that if a woman is properly handled sexually she would respond in the same way. A man who is only concern about meeting his own sexually needs will not get adequate satisfaction if he fails to recognize and meet his partner’s needs. Like many other things in marriage, sexual satisfaction is reciprocal.

Make Love Don’t Just have sex

Sometimes you may not just be in the ‘mood’. Yes it may be because you are tired as stated above or other external issues that may not be connected to your spouse or marriage in any way. You must understand that a good love making starts from the mind. If you allow your mind to be preoccupied by thoughts of your husband, how much you love him and want to satisfy him, you would want to put action to those thoughts. Again, a good love making is not just penetration and orgasm. Maybe a prolong foreplay will make you relax and not think that he forces you when you are not ready. Also learn to ‘decongest’ your mind of issues that could turn you off, such as challenges at work.

Give Him Sex

Sex and money are two biggest issues in marriage. A couple who can handle these two well can handle almost any challenge with the marriage. It is not that easy to tell a man to stay away when he wants to MAKE LOVE TO HIS WIFE especially with an excuse of “I am tired.” It becomes worse and annoying when the excuses continue. And for a young marriage he would want to have sex as often as he is with you! Statistics says that new couples have sex three times a day on the average!

If you have health issues or experiencing painful copulation discuss it with him and see a doctor to get it treated. You definitely don’t want to ‘push’ him out; so get your ACTS together.

Shalom!

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I Am Not Attracted To Ladies, Am I Gay?

I-Am-Not-Attracted-To-Ladies-Am-I-Gay

I have never really had a romantic relationship because I am not attracted women. I have more male friends and really very close to two of them who we spend time together. I find myself missing them whenever we spend the weekend apart. We hug, hold hands, laugh, play, confide in each other and never do anything without three of us talking about it. Although we all believe in Jesus and two of them are in committed relationship but I am worried if I could be gay because I get excited only when I’m in their company; that kind of feeling you get when you are in love (I guess).

Do You Sexually Desire The Same Sex?

It is a good thing to be open about such a sensitive issue because whatever you do or hide in secret, will always over power you. When you bring issues to the light it becomes easy to handle. Relationships are a major part of our existence and good relationships are treasures. There are people who come into our lives as friends and become more like family members and sometimes even closer than siblings. Proverbs 18:24, “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.”Except one or both of these men have shown amorous advances towards you and YOU DESIRE THEM SEXUALLY, I do not think you should conclude that you could be gay. Although, it is awkward for most men to hug or hold hands, I would say that you are having a good relationship that does not even exist among some siblings.

Don’t Give The Devil An Opportunity To Sow A ‘Gay-Seed’ In Your Heart.

If you dwell on the possibility that you could be gay, you increase the chances of being one. You become conscious of that thought and soon the devil is going to make you come in contact with a gay. Everything that a man does is first a seed in his heart and thoughts are very powerful, remember if you conceive it then it can be manifested. “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he…” Proverbs 23:7.

A Temporary Lack Of Attraction For The Opposite Sex Has Nothing To Do With Being Gay.

If you have not met many women especially if you like to keep to yourself, don’t like to mingle with the opposite sex or prefer staying indoors, then you have not met women that could catch your fancy. Attraction is about connection. Attraction is not attained the minute you set your eyes on a woman, yes she could get your attention by that means but attraction has to build. You cannot be attracted to someone you don’t feel a connection for and vice versa. They both go to together.  It takes some people a longer time to find attraction especially if they are shy with the opposite sex.If you were also abused as a child and yet to heal, you are going to struggle with keeping a healthy romantic relationship.

Nobody Is Born Gay

Just like no one is born a celibate, no one is born a gay. God did not create any one with “gay genes” so do not think that you were born that way. Just like culture, being gay is ‘picked-up’ and learned from people and the environment. Whatever you expose yourself to, whatever you give priority thought to and whatever you accept as being okay, you are likely going to practice as part of live. People who claim to be gay were not created that way even if they have a parent who is gay. The bible declare in Leviticus 18:22“Don’t have sex with a man as one does with a woman. That is abhorrent.”

Don’t Give In To The Deception Of The World.

When God instituted the first romantic relationship in the garden of Eden, it was between a man and a woman, Adam and Eve. God never intended that a man should have anything to do with a man. Likewise a woman to a woman. It’s an abomination. Unfortunately, the world is trying to re-define that romantic relation to make it seem like being gay is right. No it is not. Leviticus 20:13. “If a man has sex with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is abhorrent. They must be put to death; they are responsible for their own deaths.”It’s against the will of God for His children. If you hang around people who believe that there’s nothing wrong with being gay with time you will do same.What is not right is not right regardless of who’s doing it.

Feelings Are Fickle Don’t Let Them Deceive You.

Those who are gay did not wake up one day to discover that they are gay because they find the opposite sex unattractive. Sometimes some gay people even still keep amorous relationship with the opposite sex, bisexual. All these are sexual perversions that should not be found amongst the child of God. These were the distortions that made God poured out His anger on Sodom. Being gay is more than a feeling you cannot control, it is a DECISION. Feelings are fickle you should never trust them and missing a male friend or desiring to spend time with them are not strong enough signs that you are amorously attracted to them and don’t forget, that the problem might just be with you since they didn’t show such interest.

Give Yourself To The Word Of God.

Since you claim to be a believer in Jesus, you should not even entertain the possibility of being gay. Although Jesus loves sinners and wants all to come to repentance, He hates sin and being gay is a sin. Give yourself to studying the word of God so you can discover for yourself the way God wants you to live pleasing to Him. And the more of the Word you have in you the less of the world you will give attention to. Don’t get comfortable being called a Christian but fellowship with the other believes to stir your faith. Even those close friends could be helpful if you open up to them and let them know that you are struggling to manage a gay thought.

Guard Your Heart.

We live in a time where as believers we have to deliberately guard our heart because more than ever the devil is going about looking for believers to devour and we cannot afford to be sleeping when the devil is busy trying to bring us down. These perversions are everywhere in the media even when you did not solicit for it. “Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that’s where life starts.” Proverbs 4:23. If you allow junks to get into your heart and take roots, it will find expression and wreck your relationship with God.

Shalom!

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