“I had a rough past, really very rough that I am not proud to talk about. Then, I got pregnant for someone I thought was in love with me as much I as I was with him. He didn’t deny the pregnancy but he didn’t want a baby. He didn’t want anything to do with me. I was just a sex toy to him just as I was with the other men. I wanted to keep the baby but my best friend talked me into aborting it so I would have nothing to remind me of my dirty past. 10 weeks later I did it and moved out of that area to start a new life. I became born again got busy with church activities, made new friends and generally tried to move on but I can’t stop thinking about that baby and how wicked I was. It would have probably been a boy and 2years old if I had kept the pregnancy. I pray every day for forgiveness and cry sometimes wishing I could turn back the hand of time. I once spoke to a pastor who assured me that I have been forgiven and I should push it behind but I wish it’s that easy. I just don’t feel forgiven, I am not even sure God will really forgive and love someone like me.”
Dealing with any type of guilt is never easy especially when we could have decided and done otherwise as in this case. One is left with the hurting vivid memories and wishing time could be reversed to make things right instead of focusing on the new opportunities ahead of us. Guilt robs of joy and deprives us of living a purposeful life. It prevents our moving from where we are to the place we should be, its burden weighs on our shoulders to slow us down in everyway. Guilt just makes us ugly! Some people gradually enter into depression from guilt, some even end their life or the life of the person they feel is directly responsible for their guilt. However, it is a choice to remain in guilt once we have repented and ask God for forgiveness.
Christ arrivesright on time to make this happen. He didn’t, and doesn’t, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn’t been so weak, we wouldn’t have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him. Rom 5:6-8 (Msg)
God is Merciful
Whatever offence one has committed against God, it is pardonable even when humanity finds you guilty but God requires that we can ask Him for mercy. The above scripture shows that even when we didn’t know or acknowledge Christ existence, He already went to the cross for us. God knew that there would be a time when you would need His mercy, and He allowed Jesus to be crucified before-hand for your sake. This does not mean we should consciously commit sin or live in sin, “Shall we continue to sin that the grace of God may abound? God forbid!”
Learning from Life Experiences
As heartbreaking as your experience with all the men in your past would have been, there is no denying the fact that you have learnt valuable lessons both for yourself and others you will share with. By now you know that sex does not equate love and being pregnant for someone will not make him marry you. A pregnancy no matter how young it is, is human and when next you want to be pregnant you are going to make well-thought out plans if your partner if worth you and the baby or not. Never let your hurt blind you from the lessons in the pain.
Ask And RECEIVE Forgiveness
Forgiveness is made available for us once we ask but the problem is often not whether God has forgiven us but whether we have accepted that forgiveness. You will not feel forgiven if after asking Him for forgiveness you are still holding yourself in guilt. When we ask Him to forgive us He does INSTANTLY because He doesn’t see a guilty person, He sees the Cross, He sees Jesus who took our place and in His loving eyes we are sinless. Praying every day for something you did wrong two years ago doesn’t make you more forgiven than when you first said the forgiveness prayer. It is not like God forgives you gradually every time you prayed. He did it that first time you asked Him! If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
Don’t Dwell On The Past
Let’s put it this way; He already made forgiveness available to you even before you aborted the pregnancy, it just only needed to be ‘activated’ by your asking. Much more than that, your RECEIVING it. Some people do not feel forgiven after they have prayed mostly because they find it difficult to forgive themselves. When you don’t forgive yourself, you keep playing the event in your head and making it fresh like it just happened. It is past and you need to treat it like PAST. “Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history.” Isaiah 43:18
Feelings Can Be Deceptive
The feeling of guilt is a lie of the flesh (your old life) to keep you bound in the shackles of the past. It is a lie to deprive you from enjoyingyour new freedom after being forgiven and you should not entertain such deception. Feelings are fickle, they are never real and you should never believe your feelings more than what God says in His word about you. If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.1John 3:20
Confess What The Word Says About You
Arm yourself with what the word of God says about you and make it a habit to confessing them. The more you fill your heart with the word of God the less lies you are going to believe about yourself. Fill your heart to the extent when the devil suggest a lie to you, you counter it with a corresponding truth from His word. His word says, “You are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus…”, “You have been redeemed…”, “You have been saved through faith…”, “You have the life of God…!” The bible describes who you are, don’t listen to the voice of your past. If you need a reminder, write these in little pieces of paper in your purse or pockets and take them with you until you can memorize them by heart.
Don’t Live In Denial
Living in denial is the worst that can ever happen to you. It never gets the problems solved, instead makes it worse. Some Christians believe that you can actually ‘faith’ and ‘confess’ some things away, making it seem like it never happened. I am a woman of faith and I believe strongly in the power of confession but that does not mean that when something has happened I will not acknowledge that it did happened. I will, but I will choose not to remain a victim of my circumstance and that is what I am charging you to do today. You can say to yourself, “Yes it happened but I am no longer who I use to be because I am born-again. I have a new life in Christ, I am a new creation…” and that is what happened! Your old you has been exchanged. “…Old things are passed away and all things have become new”. 2 cor 5:17
He Loves You!
You have no idea of how much God loves you! I mean it is for your sake that Jesus hung on the cross! He loves you more now that you are born again and have decided to live for Him. He doesn’t judge you with your past He in fact doesn’t see you being associated with the past so stop dragging the past withy you each time you come to Him.No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, ( NOR ABORTION) will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Roman 8:37-39
God cares a lot about you, much more than you can ever imagine and He does not intend that we remain in hurt when we can receive His love and forgiveness. If you will like to be counsel privately or you want someone to stand with you in prayer send a private mail to me, firstname.lastname@example.org.