7 Reasons God Will Not ‘Choose’ A Spouse For You

I was still ‘mourning’ a failed relationship in my second year in the university when another young man approached me for a relationship. He claimed that God told him I was his wife. My response was that I needed to hear God tell me directly. I didn’t doubt that God could ‘show’ someone who to marry but I knew I was not ready for a committed relationship at that time because I was still hurting and angry at the guy I just broke up with. I didn’t want to get into another relationship hurting. While he was very convinced that I was his wife I was not in any way even attracted to be friends with him let alone something more serious. There was just no connection. After a while he gave up chasing me, I guessed he got tired of waiting for me to hear from God.

  1. God Will Not Say One Thing And Ask You To Do Otherwise

I once counseled a young man who said that God told him that a certain lady was his wife. He claimed that he had visions that convinced him not marry anyone else but this lady. The lady believed him and they started a relationship, got engaged and started planning a wedding. During one of their romantic walks and talking about details of their past, the lady mentioned that she had a child when she was 16. This young man was surprised and disappointed, because as an aspiring pastor he didn’t want to marry a woman who had a child out of wedlock, worse that the lady didn’t know who the father of the child was. That marked the end of the relationship. My question was, if you HEARD God at the beginning, why should discovering that the lady has a child change anything?


A hearty wife invigorates her husband, but a frigid woman is cancer in the bones.Proverb 12:4

Marriage is more than a man and a woman living together for companionship or to raise a family. It is a ministry, and who you marry can either make or mar you. This is why careful consideration must be taking when deciding for a life partner.Choosing a godly spouse is important and God will not ‘single-handedly’ make that choice for you for the following reasons:

  1. You Would Blame Him If Anything Go Wrong

The first and last time God made the absolute choice of a spouse for a man was case of Adam. God didn’t ask Adam for any ‘specifications’ of his kind of woman, no likes or dislikes. He just saw that Adam deserved a companion and then He gave him a Eve. Sure Adam was happy because God’s absolute choice looked like the best choice but along the line when things went wrong he blamed God, “The Man said, “The Woman you gave me as a companion, she gave me fruit from the tree, and, yes, I ate it.”Gen 3:12. This statement won’t have been the case if that choice was made with Adam’s input. He would instead have asked for God’s help and mercy to deal with the situation instead of passing blames

  1. You Are Likely Not Going To Believe Him

Imagine you as a young man who has never had sexual relations or being in a committed relationship, then had a vision in which an angel ask you to go into the streets to marry a prostitute. Or a lady seeing a vision in which she’s instructed to marry a drug addict or some street guy because God wants to use it to glorify His name. As possible as these situations are, the natural thing you will do is to pray ‘against’ the vision. But there was a prophet in the bible who was instructed to marry a prostitute in Hosea 1:2, “The first time God spoke to Hosea he said: “Find a whore and marry her. Make this whore the mother of your children…”If you were Hosea what would you have done?

  1. He Gave You A Will

We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it. Proverbs 16:9. That He gave you a will does not mean that you could pick just any person to marry but He wants you to trust Him enough to guide your choice. “Trust in the Lord with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways (including your desire for a spouse) acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path.” Proverbs 3:5

  1. He Wants You To Trust Him To Guide You

God desires that you take responsibility for your home and future as you trust Him to guide you. All Adam did was sleep and wake up to see a beautiful woman to call his wife, then later blamed God when things went otherwise. Adam did not feel responsible because from the start he was not part of the process and never really appreciated the ‘effort’ God put in giving him a wife. If not he would have been more careful with her andGod’s instructions on what tree they could eat from.

  1. His Ways Are Not Your Ways

Before I got married I had a list of what my husband-to-be must possess before I will say yes to him. One of the qualities was that he must be tall. I remember a guy who showed interest, I didn’t even give him a second thought. I told him NO because I was a little taller than him. My though was, “How can I marry a SHORT guy?”Often times our desires are based on what we think, feel and see. But this is not so with God Who looks more at the heart and what is best for us. Yet He will not FORCE His choice on us! God doesn’t see a short, thin or ugly person because He didn’t create any human to be superior to another. Choosing a spouse based on those qualities are just about us.

  1. Scripture Cannot Be Broken

Prov.18:22 says, “He who FINDS A WIFEfinds what is good, and receives favor from the Lord.” There has to be some findings and it is not God’s job to FIND. He will guide you in His will to the right person if you commit it to Him but He will not do a finding for you. That’s your job. Some people believe that this ‘finding’ means to physically search out the person. While this mayonly be true to some extent, it is more of seeking His will for your future in marriage.As a married person God has an assignment for you and your spouse to fulfill as a couple.

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