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12 things you need to know about sex before you get married

Sex is a very important aspect of the marital life.

  1. Sex is a beautiful gift from God. When the first wedding took place in the bible, Gen 2:24, God intended that sex would be part of that union. That was what the passage also means by “cleaving”. It was a kind of fellowship God initiated to create and establish emotional bounding between Adam and his wife. Although, the value of sex has degenerated to an extent where people just have intercourse just because they have a temporary feeling for one another does not make it any less than God’s intention from the begin. And God still expects that His children would treat it with the same sacredness as it was from the beginning. The bible clearly warns in 1cor 6: 18, “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Sex between couple is a beautiful gift of God intended for pleasure, bonding and procreation. So while you are planning to get married, you must do so with the mind that God is giving you a gift to enjoy, this is why He created sexual desire in the first place.

 

  1. Sex is a cause of some break up in marriages. Aside from money, sex is the second biggest issue in marriage. If one partner fills sexually unfulfilled there’s likely going to be a problem. This problem may make one partner seek such satisfaction outside the home, 1 Cor 7:4, “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”

 

  1. Sex alone cannot give you ultimate satisfaction in your marriage. Many people in courtship look forward to having sex believing that it will do some ‘magic’ to the waiting. Some believe that a good sexual life will means a good marriage. Hit is true that having a good sexual relationship with your spouse counts in the success of your marriage but that alone cannot give you total satisfaction if your expectations were that sex would make you feel better. The truth in having personal satisfaction in life has nothing to do with sex or how your partner treats you. If you were never happy or satisfied with yourself as a single person, no matter how skilled in bed your partner is, you will still not be satisfied. It is the same as if you never love or appreciate yourself or who you are if your partner says it to you it won’t make any difference.

 

  1. Being marriage does not guaranty that you or your spouse will be faithful. In my counseling experience, many unmarried people believed that marriage will make them faithful. As much as marriage can put a consciousness in you to be responsible and faithful, you can’t be sure of that when you are still unfaithful now that you are just dating. Being married does not rule out the fact that you or your partner will be attracted to someone even sexually. At this point you realise that it takes some deliberate efforts of discipline and determination to stay faithful and male your marriage work. Also I like to encourage couples to pray a lot for each other. Sometimes a partner may be struggling with the temptation of infidelity and would not want to open up to the other partner because he or she doesn’t want to spark a fire where there’s no need of on.

 

  1. Sex is should not always be initiated by a man. It is true that most of the time it is the man who initiates the sex does not mean that the wife cannot do the same. Just like everything in the marriage sex is also partnership, there should be times when it is also imitated by the wife.

 

  1. Sexual problems are “normal”, sort it out. Most couples encountered sexual problems so don’t panick or think you marriage is going to hit the rocks when you are confronted by such problems. It is just a time to learn and apply what you have learnt. If you never had sex before and your spouse finds you frigid, then buy books and listen to teachings. Include counseling if

 

  1. Sex between married couple is HOLY, fun and ‘medicinal’

 

  1. Initiating sex is healthy and the only way to express sexual desires

 

  1. When it comes to satisfying your partner, what works for one couple may not work for you

 

  1. It is more than just fulfilling a marital obligation. This is often the challenge with deteriorating marriage. When there are issues in marriage sex becomes “do and let’s have peace. But that was not what God intended from the beginning. It is meant for pleasure, bonding and ‘dispute resolution” between couples.

 

  1. There’s just a thin line between “turn on” and “turn off”. The timing of turning off and on for couples are different. A man can be turned on by he sees but it takes a woman to get that turned out. Most of the time, she will have to be caressed and teased to get to that point. However, if she resists her husband’s advances because she is not turned on, she is likely going to turn the man off too.

 

  1. What excites you may not excites your partner

 

  1. The first and mean reason for sex is not to have children

 

  1. Genitals are not the only organs responsible for sexual pleasure and orgasm. God made us in such a wonderful way that the genitals are not the only sexual organs in our body. For some people it is even not the most important. During intercourse all these organs come in to play to give sexual pleasure. The organ that will be most fun from one couple may vary so you have to discourse what your partner likes and most satisfied with to emphasis on it.
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